


Russian Jesus

by valiant_charger



Category: Yuri!!! on ICE
Genre: Alcohol, Drunk Texting, Instagram, M/M, Mentioned JJ, Texting, aged up yuri, dj otabek, fluff?, furries kms, idk I wrote this in the morning, mentioned Seung Gil, they aren't furries, they talk about it, thiscrush, video call
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-09-12 05:31:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9057757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valiant_charger/pseuds/valiant_charger
Summary: Victor gets drunk and starts to text people





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for fun   
> Victor: RussianJesus  
> Yuuri: Katsudon't   
> Yuri: Iliketrains   
> Otabek: Skater boi  
> Phichit: Hamsterdam   
> Leo: DiCaprio   
> Guang Hong: lolimgay   
> Btw I made Yuri 18 in this so people don't freak out

11:45pm

RussianJesus: yuuuuhri, cum drenk wiyh ne

Iliketrains has joined 

Iliketrains: wtf?

DiCaprio has joined 

DiCaprio: um I think he's drunk

Iliketrains: no shit Sherlock 

lolimgay has joined 

lolimgay: how much did he drink!?

Iliketrains: IDK a fuck ton?????

Katsudon't has joined 

Katsundon't: YURIO! Watch your language young man 

RussianJesus: YUUHI CUME WITY MEEEEEERREEEEEEE 

Katsudon't: Victor your drunk I'll bring you a glass of water and some pain killers in a moment

Skater boi has joined 

Skater boi: damn

Skater boi: this conversation 

Iliketrains: finally, someone I like

Katsudon't: Hey!

DiCaprio: well then 

lolimgay: umm it's been nice but imma just leave

DiCaprio: same have fun guys 

Skater boi: k then bye 

DiCaprio and lolimgay has left

Katsudon't: OK GUYS! We have a problem 

Skater boi: Victor's drunk? I know 

Iliketrains: just ignore him let him suffer with a hangover 

Katsudon't: YURIO 

Iliketrains: that would be hilarious 

Hamsterdam has joined 

Hamsterdam: guys I need to ask a question 

Iliketrains: can't you see we're busy?

Katsudon't: yurio shhh whats up   
Phichit?

Hamsterdam: what's a furry?

Skater boi: jfc 

Iliketrains: OMG NOPE NOPE NOPE 

Katsudon't: omg phichit how could you not know XD

RussianJesus: yuuuuhri comr back too beddd

Katsudon't: gimme a minuet Victor

Hamsterdam: answer my question and is Victor drunk? 

Iliketrains: yup he's pissed

Katsudon't: anyway a furry is basically a...um...some who likes   
anthropomorphic animals in sexual way I think I'm not too sure

Hamsterdam: EWWW WTF!?!?

Skater boi: I have a question

Iliketrains: yea? 

Skater boi: I like Zootopia am I a furry?

Iliketrains: jfc THE MOVIE IS FULL OF FURRIES 

Iliketrains: but I guess you can like it mean it's ur choice 

Skater boi: what if the world was full of furries 

Iliketrains: OMG OTABEK 

Katsudon't: well the furry side of otabek has just consumed him, theres no going back sorry for ur loss Yurio btw I'm just going to check on Victor brb 

Hamsterdam: Kk 

Iliketrains: MY LOSS!? He's ur friend too

Hamsterdam: yea but aren't u guys dating or something? 

Iliketrains: *dies from embarrassment* 

Skater boi: damn yurio.exe has crashed would you like to send a crash report? 

Hamsterdam: XD 

Skater boi: but seriously what if the world was full of furries? 

Iliketrains: OMG OTABEK 

Hamsterdam: ummm it would be a dark place

Iliketrains: great UR both furries 

Hamsterdam: wait! Aren't u obsessed with cats or something

Iliketrains: don't u dare bring me or my cat into this

Skater boi: he's obsessed with cats, he can't stop talking about them, usually when we go out he'll call his pet sitter to see how his cat is 

Hamsterdam: Awwwww

Iliketrains: OTABEK U BETRAYED ME HOW COULD U!?!?!?!?

Skater boi: sorry it just slipped 

Iliketrains: -_-

RussianJesus wants to video call  
want to join?

Iliketrains: Jesus Christ 

Iliketrains, skater boi and Hamsterdam have joined the call 

Yurio: "Oh my god"

Victor is basically clinging on to Yuuri from behind 

Yuuri: "sorry guys he really wanted to call"

Yurio: "kill myself"

Yuuri: "I'm looking through the chat, why are you guys still talking about furries?"

Phichit: "otabek and I were talking about furries and otabek basically confirmed that Yurio was obsessed with his cat"

Victor: "when i was little *hiccup* I used to draw polar bears"

Yuuri: "how lovely so I'm marrying a polar bear furry" 

Yurio: "keep your lovey dovey shit out of this" 

Otabek: "I'm dating a cat furry"

Yurio: "I'm not a furry!" 

Phichit: "people keep saying I'm a furry" 

Yurio: "because you are"

Phichit: "I'm not a furry"

Yuuri: "Phitchit"

Phichit: "yes?"

Yuuri: "your a furry"

Yurio: "can we drop the conversation I'm actually getting a bit uncomfortable talking about sexualised animals"

Otabek: "to be honest same"

Yuuri: "starting from now let's focus on Victor he's drunk"

Yurio: "let him feel a slow, painful headache in the morning"

Phichit: "why are you so mean?"

Otabek: "he's just trying to conceal his inner fairy by using words of anger" 

Yurio: "why are you so mean to me tonight!?"

Otabek: "listen babe-"

Phichit: "AHHH HE CALLED HIM BABE"

Yuuri: "Awwwww"

Victor: "Yurio don't go too far *winks*"

Otabek: "I'll keep that in mind"

Yurio: "Jesus Christ"

Victor: "yes?"

Yurio: "what?"

Victor: "you said my name and I'm replying"

Yurio:" wait what- oh my fucking god- I- Yuuri get him under control!"

Yuuri: "that's gonna be hard"

Victor: "I know you like it hard" 

Everyone: "Victor!"

Phichit: "I need to record this oh my god"

Yurio: "does anybody have bleach?"

Otabek: "Yurio suicide isn't the answer" 

Yurio: "I don't care"

Yuuri: "honey I'm going to get some more water, I'll be back"

Phichit: "can I ask you guys something?"

Yurio: "if it's about furries, no"

Phichit: "NO! About relationships"

Otabek: "sure"

Phichit: "well I think I might like someone but I don't know how to tell them"

Yurio: "oh who is it?"

Phichit: "seung gil"

Yurio: "oh...ok"

Otabek: "personally I don't know him too well, but he seems quiet and a little uptight, am I right?"

Phichit: "I just don't want to ruin our friendship"

Victor: "everyone shhhh *hiccup* I am getting married I'm the most love doctor"

Yurio: "don't you mean experienced?" 

Victor: "shhhh"

Yuuri: "I'm back here have a sip"

Victor: "thanks babe, Phichit if you want the D ya gotta listen to me-"

Yuuri: "what the f-"

Victor: "shhhh my love, if ya want his D ya gotta flirt with him, test the waters a bit out of all of us you know him the best- oh god- I- babe move outta the way!" 

Yuuri: "he went to...the bathroom the poor thing, he's sick..its been a long night I believe we should all go to bed now, goodnight everyone"

Phichit: "goodnight, tell Victor I say thanks"

Yuuri: "will do"

Hamsterdam has left

Otabek: "goodnight guys"

Yurio: "night"

Skater boi and Iliketrains has left

RussianJesus has left 

The call ended at 12:30am


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phichit's instagram crashes and Victor and Otabek try to be romantic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile hello, this is the last chapter, there has been some problems with uploading such as it won't let me upload the full chapter so I'm gonna do it in little parts I guess, sorry for the inconvenience

11:48pm

Hamsterdam: GUYS SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED

Iliketrains: no one is reading your fucking disgusting fanfic?

Katsudont: yeah about that, if you want me and Victor to do shit you can ask

RussianJesus: wait really!?

Katsudont: yeah I guess

Katsudont: NOTHING SEXUAL

RussianJesus: fuck...

Iliketrains: omg why 

Hamsterdam: jfc MY INSTA CRASHED AND I CANT ACCESS IT

Iliketrains: oh no what a catastrophe 

Katsudont: Yuri don't be sarcastic 

Katsudont: just reset your phone or update insta or something

Hamster: hhhhhhhhh fiiiiiiiine brb

RussianJesus: speaking of social media, Yuuri have you seen the victuuri tag on twitter?

Katsudont: oh no...

RussianJesus: I'm not gonna lie but our fans are really good at photoshop 

Iliketrains: *gags*

Skaterboi: kinky

Iliketrains: BEKA

Skaterboi: sorry did I stutter?

Skaterboi: I said 'Kink-y'

Iliketrains: I want death 

Katsudont: who doesn't

RussianJesus: Yuuuuuuuuuri don't say things like that or you'll turn into a hot topic mess

RussianJesus: *coughs* yurio

RussianJesus: *coughs*

Iliketrains: EXCUSE ME YOU FUCKING OLD MAN 

Skateboi: wow...rage

Iliketrains: UR MEANT TO SUPPORT ME U ASSHAT

Skaterboi: oh sorry

Skaterboi: I would beat Victor up for you but I don't want to hurt an old man 

RussianJesus: WHY IS EVERYONE MEAN TO ME

Katsudont: because your mean to everyone else

RussianJesus: Yuuri Katsuki, my student, my fiancé how could you betray me?

Katsudont: it's human nature Victor :)

RussianJesus: -_-

lolimgay: sup hoes 

Katsudont: sup guang hong

RussianJesus: Hi!

DiCaprio: Hey guys

Skaterboi: yo

lolimgay: lmao phichit can't access his insta luckily for me I know his password 

DiCaprio: Why?

lolimgay: I just do 

Katsudont: guang hong don't spam his page

Iliketrains: spam his page with hundreds of photos of him and seung gil for my sweet sweet revenge 

lolimgay: lmao why?

Iliketrains: he found out my password and spammed pictures of me and beka each photo was captioned with a lyric from the song deep throat and tagged beka in every photo

lolimgay: ohhhh I remember that

lolimgay: yeah I'm doing that 

DiCaprio: Babe no

lolimgay: babe yes

Katsudont: this is going to turn out well 

RussianJesus: I'm surprised no one has done that to us Yuuri

Katsudont: jfc YOUR INSTA IS BASICALLY MY ASS AND THIGHS

RussianJesus: I CANT HELP IT 

RussianJesus: u a have really good bottom half ;)

Katsudont: .

Skaterboi: yuuri.exe has crashed

Iliketrains: guang hong, how is it going?

lolimgay: check insta >:)

DiCaprio: OMG 

Katsudont: GUANG HONG

RussianJesus: WOW

Skaterboi: neat 

Katsudont: I'm screenshoting all of them

lolimgay: hoe if you want the HD versions DM me ;)

Katsudont: sign me the fuck up

RussianJesus: Damn yuuri I never knew you were like this

Katsudont: phichit had it coming 

Hamsterdam: I'm gone for a minute and I check my insta only to find over 5k likes and 300 comments and to see a spam of me and seung gil 

EmotionlessParrot: What the hell guys, what the actual hell

Iliketrains: oh look seung gil is on for once

Iliketrains: hi 

Katsudont: Yuri no

Iliketrains: this is payback for the time u hacked my insta and spammed photos of me and beka

Iliketrains: it took an hour deleting those photos

Hamsterdam: sorry???????????

lolimgay: sorry guys at least u gained some followers seung gil 

EmotionlessParrot: *sighs*

Hamsterdam: well at least everyone knows now 

Skaterboi: what

Iliketrains: huh?

DiCaprio: please explain 

EmotionlessParrot: we weren't planning on coming out until march 

Katsudont: oh shit

lolimgay: OMG IM SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME OMG 

Hamsterdam: chill it's okay at least the hard part is over now lol 

lolimgay: I'm so sorry 

Hamsterdam: STOP BEING SORRY

lolimgay: kk 

Katsudont: that resolved quickly 

EmotionlessParrot: yeah

RussianJesus: now we can all go on quadruple dates

lolimgay: yeeeee

Skaterboi: but don't we already do that?

Iliketrains: why would go on dates with you guys?

Katsudont: it'll be a bonding experience 

Skaterboi: lol bonding 

Katsudont: are you questioning my ways young man?

Skaterboi: nope 

Hamsterdam: I think it'd be nice

EmotionlessParrot: does it involve a lot of socializing?

Iliketrains: your socializing right now

EmotionlessParrot: hhhhhhhhh

Skaterboi: I can relate Seung Gil 

RussianJesus: aren't u a dj?

Skaterboi: ah shit

lolimgay: oh shit Yuri is dating a dj

lolimgay: do you have a mixtape?

Katsudont: fucking christ 

Skaterboi: I'm actually making one 

RussianJesus: oooooooo fascinating 

DiCaprio: guys something bad happened 

Hamsterdam: yea? 

DiCaprio: I may have gotten bleach in my hair 

lolimgay: what 

EmotionlessParrot: get it out 

DiCaprio: I DID AND NOW MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR HAS ORANGE STREAKS HELP

Katsudont: send a photo

DiCaprio: hhhhhhh

File.png

Iliketrains : ok I'm not saying it's bad but 

Iliketrains: I'm saying it's bad 

Katsudont: YURI STOP BEING MEAN

Iliketrains: ever heard of honesty?

lolimgay: ur lucky I know how to fix it 

DiCaprio: huh? 

lolimgay: in year 8 I dyed my hair all the time so all your hair needs is some sick colours 

DiCaprio: what colour though?

RussianJesus: maybe red 

lolimgay: red would look hot 

DiCaprio: I love u 

lolimgay: lov u too <3

Iliketrains: gross 

Skaterboi: Yuri? 

Iliketrains: yeah?

Skaterboi: I love you 

RussianJesus: EFBEFJJEGJETJWTJWTWTJETKJETJWTJWTETJJWT

Hamsterdam: AHHHHHHHH EYNEYMNETMEYMEYMEYMEYMYE

Katsudont: MY GOODNESS 

Iliketrains: BEKA 

Skaterboi: say it back :D

Iliketrains: 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part the next (I'm so sorry)

Skaterboi: I try and that's what matters 

RussianJesus: Yuuri~

Katsudont: what

RussianJesus: I love you so much you are the love of my life and the sun of my solar system. Everyday feels so surreal with you, your like a dream come true to me, I'm blessed to be your fiancé <3 <3 <3

Hamsterdam: wow

Iliketrains: I need a vomit bag

lolimgay: goals tbh 

Katsudont: thanks lov u too asshole

RussianJesus: YUURI FFS I TRY TO BE ROMANTIC AND THIS IS WHAT I GET!?

Katsudont: ok fine then I'll be romantic 

Katsudont: you stole my glasses and I need them back and when I have them back I'll see your angelic face and when I see it I'll punch it cause you stole my glasses 

Hamsterdam: ouch 

RussianJesus: :'(

Katsudont: btw ur doing the dishes tonight 

RussianJesus: *cries in a corner* 

lolimgay: fucking hell yuuri 

Iliketrains: you know what, I'm considering being friends with yuuri 

Skaterboi: I thought u were friends 

Iliketrains: ehhhhhh we were never friends 

Katsudont: oh 

lolimgay: anywaaaay, Leo when can I do your hair?

DiCaprio: preferably tomorrow 

lolimgay: hoe I'm coming over now see you in a bit 

DiCaprio: do I need to do anything?

lolimgay: besides being sexy, nope I'll bring the dye and shit, u stay right put 

DiCaprio: kk bye guys 

Katsudont: byeeeee

Hamsterdam: bye bye 

DiCaprio and lolimgay have logged off

Skaterboi: and then there were 6

Iliketrains: you always say that when people leave, whyyyyy? 

Skaterboi: cause I can 

Hamsterdam: GUYS 

Hamsterdam: GUYS 

Hamsterdam: GUYS 

Iliketrains: WHAT 

Hamsterdam: JJ has a this crush 

Iliketrains: omg 

RussianJesus: oh no 

Katsudont: Yuri don't say anything you'll regret 

Iliketrains: I'll say what I want to 

Skaterboi: I posted something on his page 

Skaterboi: oops 

Hamsterdam: imma check 

Hamsterdam: OH MY GOD 

Hamsterdam: I NEVER KNEW U WERE LIKE THIS OTABEK 

Skaterboi: :) 

RussianJesus: Otabek I'm very surprised with you 

Katsudont: what did he say?

Iliketrains: I'll quote it 

Iliketrains: "OMG JJ FCK ME IN THE ASSHOLE WITH UR KNIFE SHOES WHILE WE LISTEN TO KING JJ ON REPEAT "- Otabek Altin, 2k17

Katsudont: imma just leave

EmotionlessParrot: I'm just going to log out 

EmotionlessParrot: bye 

Hamsterdam: NO SEUNG GIL

EmotionlessParrot has logged off 

Hamsterdam: great 

Hamsterdam: u scared him 

Iliketrains: XD

RussianJesus: awww noooooooo

Katsudont: he escaped 

Katsudont: lucky 

RussianJesus: what do you mean lucky???

RussianJesus: don't you want to be here with me? 

Katsudont: .

RussianJesus: yuuri I'm wounded 

Iliketrains: hey pork cutlet bowl

Iliketrains: wanna gang up on Victor? 

Skaterboi: fucking Christ 

Katsudont: ummm...not really??????

Iliketrains: WHY NOT!?

Katsudont: because 

Katsudont: he's my husband 

Iliketrains: you know what 

Iliketrains: I'm ganging up on both of you 

RussianJesus: Yuuri~

RussianJesus: we aren't married yet 

Katsudont: well we're getting married I better get used to you and your bullshit 

RussianJesus: *cries*

RussianJesus: YUURI WHYYYYYYYY


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is it, but I might write a small one shot to make up for the inconvenience, once again I am very sorry

Katsudont: :)

Hamsterdam: wow so mean 

Skaterboi: u still want to be friends with Yuuri?

Iliketrains: hmmm

Iliketrains: I'll consider it 

Katsudont: it's been nice and all but I'm gonna go and sleep it's been a long day

Hamsterdam: same tbh night guys 

Skaterboi: night 

Hamsterdam has logged off

Iliketrains: sleep is for the weak 

Skaterboi: Yura?

Iliketrains: yea?

Skaterboi: sleep 

Iliketrains: hhhhhh fine 

RussianJesus: goodnight everyone, yuuri can we cuddle?

Katsudont: ...

Katsudont: fine

Katsudont: but if you steal the sheets again you're sleeping on the couch

RussianJesus: YAY

RussianJesus: goodnight xx

RussianJesus and Katsudont have logged off

Iliketrains: *gags*

Skaterboi: ;)

Iliketrains: fuck off 

Iliketrains: night 

Iliketrains: x

Iliketrains has logged off 

Skaterboi: <3

Skaterboi has logged off


End file.
